I Thank My Mother For My Sisters
I am now parentless. My father died about fifteen years ago, and a little more than two weeks ago my mother died. And I miss her so terribly. I am continually coming up against the impulse to tell her something that I just observed that she would get a kick out of (or that I wished she would get a kick out of, and then maybe I’d experience a bit of disappointment when she didn’t and couldn’t really seem to understand why I thought it was even worth mentioning, but that was all part of our dynamic). I will miss her till the day I die, because she was such an integral part of my existence, even when I didn’t talk to her every week. Even when I lived in another state. Even when I rejected some of her values or felt different from her. She became no more integral to my existence than she already was when I brought her into my home for the last ten months of her life in order to nurse her. Indeed, her that’s why I felt compelled to nurse her.
Being parentless is a very weird thing. And being motherless is like having the air taken away. But for me, miraculously, the suffocation was fleeting and succor swiftly resupplied. It’s because I have my sisters. Because we all share my mother’s breath.
We are “the three sisters.” I put us in quotes because we are a unique set. We are not just any set of three sisters. Not that we’re necessarily better or worse than any other set out there. We are just exactly what we are, which no other configuration of sisters in the world replicates perfectly. And we three do not replicate perfectly any other sisterhoods out in the world. So perhaps one of the most amazing things about sisters is that there are no two sets alike. But I see that I should get to the point.
We three sisters happen to be strong and mutually trusting souls. That is, we trust with a whole heart that each of us has unconditional positive regard, good wishes, admiration and need for each other. Even if in some circumstances we might first question (only briefly!) whether there hadn’t been a hint of doubt as to a sister’s purity of intentions, we always make that same choice to trust again and again. We dismiss that doubt, and trust in our conclusion that our sister has only good will for us and never would want to hurt us.
When I contemplate that incredible truth, I also think about its genesis. We love and trust each other that way because we all share the love and trust that emanated from my mother. Somehow, in the way she loved each of us and all of us at once, our mother reassured us that she had enough love for all of us to infinity and back, and that she shared it equally. Indeed, I think she raised us to think of us as “us.” We were always an “us” no matter where each sister happened to be or what she was doing or thinking separately at any given time. And because our mother’s sheer adoration of all of us and each of us was always on display, she convinced each individual sister that she was worthy of the love of the other two. We grew up without a doubt of the lovability of each other, always amazed and grateful that we got to have such marvelous sisters.
This is what “us” feels like.
Art by Michelle Dávalos found at weheartit.com
My mother gave me the gift of my sisters. She gave me two wonderful people to love and trust and she gave me two wonderful people who love and trust me. They were there with me when we nursed our mom and they will be with me always. I am truly blessed to have them, and for the miracle that, through them, my mother truly remains here, part of me. Part of us.
Related Posts
Tags
Share This
I love this, and I love all of you! You are all very lucky to have each other.
Thank you, Lori. I’ll bet your three girls have some of this same dynamic going on!
Fleecy, So well written, So True, So Heartfelt.. So You! thanks for sharing !! Seigel
Thank you Mark! You are always so receptive to and complimentary about my writing, which is wonderful! Such a dear!! However, since (in my wildest dreams) this blog may one day be frequented by people who aren’t my childhood friends, let’s keep the Fleecy thing on the down low! 🙂
What a great story. You 3 are indeed very lucky to have each other.